DARK SKINNED MAN WITH GOLD TEETH AND A MOHAWK HAIRCUT

PARADISE LOST

                                        A MAN IN DAYTONA FOUND A STRAY PIT BULL.  HE BROUGHT IT TO THE ANIMAL SHELTER.  ON WEEKENDS ,THERE ARE SELF SERVICE CAGES FOR STRAYS.  AS THE MAN WAS FILLING IN THE INFORMATION.A DARK SKINNED MAN WITH GOLD TEETH AND A MOHAWK HAIRCUT IS SEEN ON SURVEILLANCE VIDEO OPENING THE CAGE AND PUTTING THE PIT BULL'S HEAD INTO A BURLAP BAG.  NEXT THEY PUT THE PIT BULL IN THEIR CHEVY MALIBU AND DRIVE AWAY.  ALL WHILE THE GOOD SAMARITAN WATCHES IN SHOCK AFRAID TO CONFRONT THE DANGEROUS LOOKING MAN.  HE DID LEAVE A NOTE FOR THE SHELTER THAT SOMEONE HAD STOLEN THE DOG HE WAS TRYING TO PUT IN THE CAGE.  THE DOG WOULD PROBABLY BE USED FOR BAIT IN A DOG FIGHTING RING.  BAIT IS DESIGNED TO GET THE DOG TO START FIGHTING.  THE BAIT DOG IS REMOVED AND THE COMPETITIVE DOG IS PUT IN THE RING.  PLACE YOUR BETS,GENTLEMEN. 
                   A MAN IN PALM BAY WAS CAUGHT ON SURVEILLANCE CAMERA STEALING AN I-PHONE FROM THE COOK'S FIVE YEAR OLD SON IN A CHINESE RESTAURANT.  THE THIEF WAS A CUSTOMER.  FORTUNE COOKIES AREN'T ENOUGH NOW A DAYS TO KEEP A CUSTOMER HAPPY IN PALM BAY,FLORIDA. THE THIEF WAS CAUGHT A FEW DAYS LATER BUT THE PHONE HAD BEEN SOLD OR HOCKED.  THE COOK WANTED IT BACK BECAUSE OF ALL THE PICTURES IT CONTAINED.
                     IT ALL SOUNDS LIKE SOMETHING OUT OF CHARLES DICKENS' OLIVER BUT IT'S FLORIDA IN 2011.  AMAZING!

LIFE'S A BEACH

THAT'S WHERE I WENT FOR MY 67TH BDAY.  IT WAS GRAY,WARM,PEACEFUL,EMPTY AND VAST GOING THE LENGTH OF FLORIDA.  YOU SHOULD HAVE SEEN THE ATLANTIC TODAY.  IT WAS ROLLING IN WITH A CONSTANT ROAR.  THE LACK OF SUN MADE IT BEARABLE.   YOU CAN;T WATUSI WITH A SUN BURN ON YOUR BIRTHDAY.  WE  FOUND A PORT CANAVERAL RESTAURANT THAT SERVES CRABS.    DO YOU SERVE CRABS?  WE ASKED.  THE HOSTESS SAID:  WE SERVE ANYONE AND SEATED US BY A WINDOW.  WE ORDERED UP SOME CRAB CAKES AND OYSTERS ROCKEFELLER EVEN THOUGH I'M A DEMOCRAT.  THEY SERVE SWEET HUSH PUPPIES WITH SWEET CINNAMON BUTTER.  SO WE DIDN'T NEED DESSERT.
                        SO
                           IT
                               WAS
                                   A
                                       HAPPY
                                          BIRTHDAY
                                             FOR
                                                 SHORE1

LOST

I'M READY TO EXPLODE

THIS IS A FED UP YANKEE FAN AFTER THEY LOST IN THE PLAYOFFS AND MISSED THE WORLD SERIES.  HE'S READY TO EXPLODE.  SAY IT AIN'T SO JOE.  TORRE THAT IS.

NOW IT'S THE HOMERDOME-  THE EYES OF TEXAS ARE UPON YOU.  BUT WATCH OUT THE CARDINALS' PITCHING COACH,MARK MCGWIRE HAS BEEN PUTTING A LITTLE SOMETHING INTO HIS SLUGGERS' GATORADE.    

POSADA GETS HITS BUT NOT A-ROD=YANKEES LOSE 5 GAME PLAYOFF TO TIGERS

CONFIDENT FANS IN THE BRONX BEFORE THE TIGER GAME

                                 THE BASES WERE LOADED A ZILLION TIMES FOR THE YANKEES.  PITCHERS WERE CHANGED BY JOE GIRARDI A ZIILION TIMES.  NOVA GAVE UP BACK TO BACK HOMERUNS IN THE FIRST.  AROD COULDN'T EVEN BAT IN A SACRIFICE RUN.  HE STRUCK OUT TO VALVERDE IN THE 9TH ENDING THE YANKEES HOPES FOR A LONGER POST SEASON.  NO WORLD SERIES FOR THE YANKEES.  THEY COULDN'T HOLD THOSE TIGERS. 
                                 WE'VE SEEN THE ENEMY AND ITS US.  THEY BENCHED POSADA EARLY IN 2011.  THERE WAS TALK THAT HE WOULDN'T BE IN THE PLAYOFFS.  HE WAS.  HE HIT.  AROD AND THE OTHER BIG BOYS DIDN'T.  NO ONE BENCHED THEM OR PUT THEM IN ANOTHER PLACE IN THE BATTING ORDER.  IT WAS A MISMANAGED GAME SCRIPTED BY MLB SO THAT THE YANKEES WOULD LOSE.  SOME OTHER MARKET NEEDS A CHANCE TO MAKE SOME MONEY AND KEEP THEIR FANS. 

WHERE ARE YOU JOE DIMAGGIO?

                              WE BAILED OUT THE CAR INDUSTRY IN DETROIT AND LAST NIGHT WE HAD TO BAILOUT THEIR BASEBALL TEAM.  IT WAS ANOTHER STIMULUS PACKAGE THIS TIME FROM WEALTHY AROD AND TEXIERA.  PATHETIC.