DARK SKINNED MAN WITH GOLD TEETH AND A MOHAWK HAIRCUT

PARADISE LOST

                                        A MAN IN DAYTONA FOUND A STRAY PIT BULL.  HE BROUGHT IT TO THE ANIMAL SHELTER.  ON WEEKENDS ,THERE ARE SELF SERVICE CAGES FOR STRAYS.  AS THE MAN WAS FILLING IN THE INFORMATION.A DARK SKINNED MAN WITH GOLD TEETH AND A MOHAWK HAIRCUT IS SEEN ON SURVEILLANCE VIDEO OPENING THE CAGE AND PUTTING THE PIT BULL'S HEAD INTO A BURLAP BAG.  NEXT THEY PUT THE PIT BULL IN THEIR CHEVY MALIBU AND DRIVE AWAY.  ALL WHILE THE GOOD SAMARITAN WATCHES IN SHOCK AFRAID TO CONFRONT THE DANGEROUS LOOKING MAN.  HE DID LEAVE A NOTE FOR THE SHELTER THAT SOMEONE HAD STOLEN THE DOG HE WAS TRYING TO PUT IN THE CAGE.  THE DOG WOULD PROBABLY BE USED FOR BAIT IN A DOG FIGHTING RING.  BAIT IS DESIGNED TO GET THE DOG TO START FIGHTING.  THE BAIT DOG IS REMOVED AND THE COMPETITIVE DOG IS PUT IN THE RING.  PLACE YOUR BETS,GENTLEMEN. 
                   A MAN IN PALM BAY WAS CAUGHT ON SURVEILLANCE CAMERA STEALING AN I-PHONE FROM THE COOK'S FIVE YEAR OLD SON IN A CHINESE RESTAURANT.  THE THIEF WAS A CUSTOMER.  FORTUNE COOKIES AREN'T ENOUGH NOW A DAYS TO KEEP A CUSTOMER HAPPY IN PALM BAY,FLORIDA. THE THIEF WAS CAUGHT A FEW DAYS LATER BUT THE PHONE HAD BEEN SOLD OR HOCKED.  THE COOK WANTED IT BACK BECAUSE OF ALL THE PICTURES IT CONTAINED.
                     IT ALL SOUNDS LIKE SOMETHING OUT OF CHARLES DICKENS' OLIVER BUT IT'S FLORIDA IN 2011.  AMAZING!

LIFE'S A BEACH

THAT'S WHERE I WENT FOR MY 67TH BDAY.  IT WAS GRAY,WARM,PEACEFUL,EMPTY AND VAST GOING THE LENGTH OF FLORIDA.  YOU SHOULD HAVE SEEN THE ATLANTIC TODAY.  IT WAS ROLLING IN WITH A CONSTANT ROAR.  THE LACK OF SUN MADE IT BEARABLE.   YOU CAN;T WATUSI WITH A SUN BURN ON YOUR BIRTHDAY.  WE  FOUND A PORT CANAVERAL RESTAURANT THAT SERVES CRABS.    DO YOU SERVE CRABS?  WE ASKED.  THE HOSTESS SAID:  WE SERVE ANYONE AND SEATED US BY A WINDOW.  WE ORDERED UP SOME CRAB CAKES AND OYSTERS ROCKEFELLER EVEN THOUGH I'M A DEMOCRAT.  THEY SERVE SWEET HUSH PUPPIES WITH SWEET CINNAMON BUTTER.  SO WE DIDN'T NEED DESSERT.
                        SO
                           IT
                               WAS
                                   A
                                       HAPPY
                                          BIRTHDAY
                                             FOR
                                                 SHORE1

LOST

I'M READY TO EXPLODE

THIS IS A FED UP YANKEE FAN AFTER THEY LOST IN THE PLAYOFFS AND MISSED THE WORLD SERIES.  HE'S READY TO EXPLODE.  SAY IT AIN'T SO JOE.  TORRE THAT IS.

NOW IT'S THE HOMERDOME-  THE EYES OF TEXAS ARE UPON YOU.  BUT WATCH OUT THE CARDINALS' PITCHING COACH,MARK MCGWIRE HAS BEEN PUTTING A LITTLE SOMETHING INTO HIS SLUGGERS' GATORADE.    

POSADA GETS HITS BUT NOT A-ROD=YANKEES LOSE 5 GAME PLAYOFF TO TIGERS

CONFIDENT FANS IN THE BRONX BEFORE THE TIGER GAME

                                 THE BASES WERE LOADED A ZILLION TIMES FOR THE YANKEES.  PITCHERS WERE CHANGED BY JOE GIRARDI A ZIILION TIMES.  NOVA GAVE UP BACK TO BACK HOMERUNS IN THE FIRST.  AROD COULDN'T EVEN BAT IN A SACRIFICE RUN.  HE STRUCK OUT TO VALVERDE IN THE 9TH ENDING THE YANKEES HOPES FOR A LONGER POST SEASON.  NO WORLD SERIES FOR THE YANKEES.  THEY COULDN'T HOLD THOSE TIGERS. 
                                 WE'VE SEEN THE ENEMY AND ITS US.  THEY BENCHED POSADA EARLY IN 2011.  THERE WAS TALK THAT HE WOULDN'T BE IN THE PLAYOFFS.  HE WAS.  HE HIT.  AROD AND THE OTHER BIG BOYS DIDN'T.  NO ONE BENCHED THEM OR PUT THEM IN ANOTHER PLACE IN THE BATTING ORDER.  IT WAS A MISMANAGED GAME SCRIPTED BY MLB SO THAT THE YANKEES WOULD LOSE.  SOME OTHER MARKET NEEDS A CHANCE TO MAKE SOME MONEY AND KEEP THEIR FANS. 

WHERE ARE YOU JOE DIMAGGIO?

                              WE BAILED OUT THE CAR INDUSTRY IN DETROIT AND LAST NIGHT WE HAD TO BAILOUT THEIR BASEBALL TEAM.  IT WAS ANOTHER STIMULUS PACKAGE THIS TIME FROM WEALTHY AROD AND TEXIERA.  PATHETIC.

TAKING UP THE WHITE MAN'S BURDEN

                         HE WAS GOOD ENOUGH TO FIGHT THE VIET CONG AT AGE 18 FOR HIS COUNTRY.  HE HAD TO TELL HIS MEN TO GIVE COVER SO THAT THE US SOLDIERS WOULDN'T BE KILLED.  ONE FELLOW COWERED IN A CORNER FRIGHTENED.  HE TOLD HIM TO FIGHT YOU BABY.  THEY'RE GONNA DIE.
                         HE'S NOT GOOD ENOUGH TO WALK THE STREETS OF HIS COUNTRY WITHOUT GLARING EYES ON HIM.  HE'S THIS.  HE'S THAT.  I PREFER NOT TO RENT TO THEM.  THERE GOES THE NEIGHBORHOOD.  HE TOLD THEM:  I FOUGHT FOR YOU.  I SHOULD HAVE LET YOU DIE.
                        I HAVE A RIGHT TO LIVE HERE,BE PRESIDENT OR ANYTHING ELSE YOU REDNECKS THINK BELONGS ONLY FOR YOU.  I WAS 18 AND DODGED BULLETS IN VIET NAM FOR Y OUR FREEDOM.    I SHOULD HAVE LET YOU DIE.
                          YOU ARE NOT BETTER THAN ME.  I FOUGHT FOR YOU.  WHOSE THE COWARD HERE?  YOU WHO HIDES BEHIND YOUR WHITE SUPERIORITY BELITTLING ME?   OR ME -THE MAN WHO DIDN'T LET YOU DIE.
                           I FOUGHT FOR YOU AND ME.  I FOUGHT.  WHAT HAVE YOU DONE COWARD BESIDES SPEW PREJUDICE ABOUT PEOPLE YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW?  I FOUGHT FOR YOU.  HOW ABOUT A LITTLE RESPECT?  THANKS? HONOR? 
                           WHY ARE YOU AFRAID OF ME?  I FOUGHT FOR YOU.  I WASN'T AFRAID.  I DID WHAT HAD TO BE DONE.  MY BLOOD IS RED JUST LIKE YOURS.  I DIDN'T SAY THEY'RE NO GOOD .  I WON'T HELP THEM.  HOW DO YOU HAVE THE NERVE TO SPOUT THAT RACIST DRIVEL?  BOY?

HOME OF THE BRAVE-OTHERS NEED NOT APPLY

                                 THE ANSWER IS BLOWING IN THE WIND

PAWTUCKET VS. SCRANTON

                      PAWTUCKET WON AT YANKEE STADIUM IN THE LAST YANKEE - RED SOX GAME OF THE 2011 SEASON.  IT TOOK 14 INNINGS AND EVERY PLAYER CALLED UP RECENTLY ON EITHER TEAM GOT TO PLAY.  FINALLY ELLSBURY, A FORMER CAPE COD LEAGUE PLAYER IN FALMOUTH,MA SCORED AND THE TIE WAS BROKEN AND THE GAME WAS OVER.  IT WAS OVER AND SO LONG AND DISTRESSING THAT THE FAT LADY DIDN'T WAIT TO SING "SWEET CAROLINE."  THEN THE BOYS OF SUMMER HAD TO HEAD FOR TAMPA AND BALTIMORE.  IT WAS EXCRUTIATING AND ONLY A TEAM WITH A NEAL (BOY AM I DEPRESSED AND DEPRESSING) DIAMOND THEME SONG COULD PERPETUATE SUCH AGONY.  IT WAS LIKE WAITING FOR WET PAINT TO DRY.

                   FINALLY SCRANTON THREW IN THE TOWEL AND ALLOWED PAWTUCKET OT GET A  RUN.  I GUESS THE AIRPORTS WERE CLOSING OR FOG WAS SETTING IN OR SOMETHING.  SO IF THE YANKEES BEAT THE DEVIL RAYS,IT WILL HELP THEIR ARCH ENEMY GET INTO THE PLAYOFFS OR IF THE RED SOX CAN BEAT BALTIMORE OR SOME OTHER SCENARIO COOKED UP FOR THE CABLE TV MONEY AND ADVERTISING DOLLARS TO KEEP ON FLOWING UNTIL THEYE SQUEEZE EVERY PENNY OUT OF THEIR INVESTMENT.  SO IT'S ONE MORE GAME OR TWO OF MONEY BALL BEFORE THE FAT LADY SINGS " SWEET CAROLINE" OR FRANKY SINGS "NY,NY."

WHERE ARE YOU TED WILLIAMS?  MAYBE IT'S TIME TO DEFROST HIM AND CLONE HIM  8 OR 9 TIMES SO WE DON'T HAVE TO WATCH TRIPLE A BASEBALL AT THE END OF THE SEASON

                           THESE LITTLE TOWN BLUES ARE GETTING ME DOWN.   ROGER MARIS AND MICKEY MANTLE MUST BE TURNING OVER IN THEIR GRAVES.  THE BIG LEAGUES HAVE SO MANY TEAMS AND GAMES THAT IT'S TURNED INTO LITTLE LEAGUE AT THE END OF THE SEASON. 

PUT JESUS IN

THE NEW YANKEE STADIUM-THE HOUSE THAT JESUS BUILT

                      THAT'S WHAT THE YANKEES DID ON ONE OF THE FIRST FULL DAYS OF FALL VERSUS THE RED SOX AT YANKEE STADIUM.  JESUS MONTERO ALMOST WENT FOR THE CYCLE.  HE DIDN 'T GET A TRIPLE.  JESUS AND THE BOYS(DISCIPLES) GOT EIGHT RUNS IN THE SECOND OFF LESTER.  THE RED SOX DROPPED THE BALL A FEW TIMES IN THAT INNING.  THE GAME MOVED ALONG QUICKLY EVEN THOUGH BOTH TEAMS TRIED OUT EVERY BENCH PLAYER THEY HAD.  THE RED SOX USED A YALE GRADUATE TO HIT IN THE NINTH WITH A PLAYOFF BERTH ON THE LINE.  A JESUS HE WAS NOT AND COULDN'T GET A RUN.  SO THE YANKKES BEAT THE SOX AT THE STADIUM A WEEK BEFORE THE SEASON ENDS.  THE YANKEES ARE IN THE PLAYOFFS GUARANTEED ALREADY.          
                      SO FOX AND THE MAFIA CONTROLLERS OF CABLE TV MOVED THE GAME ALONG QUICKLY SO IT WOULDN'T INTERFERE WITH FOOTBALL OR CAR RACING OR BOXING OR SOME OTHER FOX RED NECK FAVORITE.  BUT JESUS AND THE 8 BASEBALL PLAYING DISCIPLES WON.  WWJJD?  NEXT TIME PUT MARY IN-MAGDALENE THAT IS.  SHE WAS A SWITCH HITTER.